you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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