why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
