I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
