Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
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