I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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