Apparently you make a good broom.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
