this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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