If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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