My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize