May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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