Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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