Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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