my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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