Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize