I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
