I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
