You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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