so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
