I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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