I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
