I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
