Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize