I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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