This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
