I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
