why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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