I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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