Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
