some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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