Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
