I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i may or may not be watching the land before time
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
