god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
