i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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