i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
