She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
