those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
