every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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