Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
