I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so let's talk penis.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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