Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Boobs speak an international language.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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