If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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