Moan for me like Helen Keller
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
