3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
