It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
