We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
