Fuck appropriateness.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
