I faked an abortion last night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
