Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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