Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
