bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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