you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
