Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
