i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
