i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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