I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
