too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
