the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
