Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
