dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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