at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
