you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize