my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
