put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
