Yo dont text me then not text me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
