are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
