piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
