its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She said her name was "party"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
