I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
