Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
