He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
