wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
