Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
