It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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