She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
