I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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