R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
