Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm passing your future prison.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize