she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
