I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
