i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
