I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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