Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
