Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
