He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
