The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
