I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
