She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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