i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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