you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize