last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize