dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
