I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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