hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
