you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My bed smells like the plague
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
