White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
