I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
