dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
