Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
