New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
