oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i think my mom watched the whole time
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
